"What I Always Wanted To Say"

All of these empty promises

Stab me in the chest.

I’ll pack it all up today,

Leaving no trace of me.

I’ll just take long road home,

Away from all the drama and the pain.

I know you said I lived for the theatrics of

It all but I just gotta say maybe you were right.

If I could just take back time and stop

That performance I would.

But this was the hand I was dealt

And I just gotta fold.

What I always wanted to say

Was that I’m sorry for making

You jaded this way.

I was swept up by the helpless ambition and the nonsensical pride.

You did everything for me

And I spat in your face.

I couldn’t tell you how I truly felt

Because I wanted you to just be safe by walking away.

But here I am wanting to see your face.

The hardest thing is saying “no”,

So now I’ll just be taking the long road home.

I can’t try again as much as I wanna admit.

It was my fault, I admit.

But even you gotta say that I can’t keep

Living like this!

I just wanna be let free.

I’ve been stuck inside this cycle for ages.

You were with me with the worst of it.

If only it was some other way, then

Maybe we’d still be together.

If only I were strong enough to fight

The depression, instead of hiding the pain

When it started off like

An atomic bomb in manhattan.

And here I am,

Trying to say I’m sorry so late.

I know that you’ve been jaded by

The pain.

But this is what I always wanted to say…

I need to finally let it go.

I wanted you back in my life

But now I just gotta take the long

Road home.

You know I’ve always wanted to protect you…

There’s nothing left to say!

That night was the time I died and decayed!

I’ve always been a husk of myself

Since you cried your tears out.

And is there anything else I can say ?

To convince you to come back and

Say something today?!

The best I can do is learn from my mistakes and just say I’m sorry while walking away.

I’ll accept this as a punishment

For my crimes.

But I hope you understand that

I’m just too tired to keep staying like this all of the time.

There’s gotta be a point where I let go,

I’m sorry that I have to move on.

I know it’s unsatisfactory that I am

Allowed to but I’ve said what I needed to and I just need to go home.

That's all that I always wanted to say.

That I made mistakes and I told you a lie

To make sure that you would be protected from me.

But now I’m lost and confused without you.

So I gotta move on,

I gotta get help.

I hope you’re well because

I’m finally turning the page.

The book’s gotta close on this

Chapter eventually.

I’ve been haunted for so long

By these ghosts in the mirror.

I just gotta let go finally,

This has been going on

For what feels like an eternity.

What I always wanted to say was that I lied to protect you from me.

So now I’m gonna go on my own way.

Yeah, I’m living and fighting for myself.

Taking responsibility for fixing me.

They’re to blame for making me this way but I gotta be the one to fix me.

I’ll be the one to be responsible for my healing!

So live your life and be healed from the scars,

Because one day I hope we’ll be back together

Under the stars.

Let’s all dance dance on 9th street.

Hands held high in the dusk skyline.

Watching our glory days pass by.

I’ve been burnt out for so long and just wanna get out.

Hands held high, in the dusk skyline.

My blonde babe and I dancing in the

Cold snow, both ignoring that we’re

Just ghosts.

I’m just alive.

Oh yeah, so alive.

I gotta take responsibility,

But the memories flood in and take over me.