"The Noise Won't Turn Off"

The noise drowns out my

Own voice as I’m

Trying to be vocal

About my sadness.

 

They all tell me

“it’s dead and buried”

And “leave the demon

To his demons”.

 

I don’t understand why

No one sees the ghosts

That haunts me.

They stare back with curvy smiles.

 

Justifying myself

Before a cruel and unjust punishment,

Feels more like hell.

 

Can you see my scars remain?

Been trying to make my own song

But my own voice is shaken by

Fear, a fear that seems to never disappear.

 

“Turn that frown upside down”,

No, I wanna be left alone.

Was it my fault for

Those days I let this pain rule my heart.

 

The scars they inflame with the sounds.

Can’t cover up the wounds as I drown,

King of the scrap heap falling to the

Ocean floor and submerged beyond any castles.

 

Do you see what this meant to me?

I wanted to drown and they wouldn’t let me.

So what do I do when the person who

Wanted to save me decides to leave me?!

 

I just want to disappear… Run away from all that I fear.

The air cackles with freedom 

But the chains still remain,

Rusted and abused 

Yet contain me. 

The noise won’t turn off

Regardless of the words 

Spoken to shut the pain up.

 

Wanna let go.

Leave that past behind.

Tell it to pound sand and dig it’s own grave.

But I just can’t and I don’t know why.

 

And sometimes I just wanna scream and shout that I’m…

 

Never ready to embrace the future.

Only singing tunes of the past.

Opened my heart and it

Got shocked from all the stress.

 

Just wanna fight that ray of hope.

Let it drown as I cast these pearls.

All I wanted was the stars of the seas to believe in me.

 

Can I ever let go?

Or maybe I’m just done with living at all.

Someone else can take up the cape.

While I hide myself up in my room again.

 

While I stare at the ceilings.

Only memories of despair and numbness catch any feeling.

I remember those dark rainy days well.

And I wanna just scream and shout.

 

Staring at the past that 

Always seems to look back at me.

The mirror dances with 

Echoes of freedom.

What do I do when 

The person who 

Loved and wanted to save me 

Decided to leave?

The noise won’t turn off. 

And it’s getting louder,

Too much sound to 

Pack a punch.

Betrayed.

Exiled.

Replaced.

Haunted.

 

Beat-up.

Abused.

Tortured.

Crowned the king of the clinically insane martyrs.

 

You said you were my friend!

That you would never leave me!

And what do I get for trusting your promise?!

A scar on my heart that’ll never give out.

 

I wanna just feel anything to feel alive.

 

It’s all static noise to me now.

And I dunno what other emotion

I’ve got left to emote but frown.

 

See people’s lips moving

But the noise is drowned

Out by my head’s noise.

 

Everything just isn’t fine.

And I’m done pretending

That all the blame is mine.

Done pretending to the pain that I’m blind…

 

Done pretending that this pain eating me up inside is fine…