"Static Emotions"

“I'll drink your champagne. I'll drink every drop of it, I don't care if it kills me.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Your feminine charms never fail 

To defeat me in a game of romance 

But I’m still dazed in a never ending 

Dream that only wants to turn into a nightmare.

I’m putting myself in all these dark situations

Just for your attention that I never 

Got all my life, sorry to say but 

I’ve only got static emotions and I want to feel anything. 

The radio is just saying garbage 

Noise yet it’s the only melody that 

Keeps me alive as you come and hug 

Me from behind, twirling your fingers in my hair with that giggle of yours.

You and I have a history that I 

Can’t deny so why not want a 

Dreadful future together by 

Putting each other through heart numbing situations? 

Your laugh is intoxicating to my senses, 

All the times I want you to kiss me 

You giggle with that knife. 

And I’m still willing to play nice. 

All like a sitcom that only 

Knows how to take 

It all as some 

Kind of bad punchline… 

I say to you that I love you 

And you say I love you 

Back but why oh why can’t I 

Feel the same as you? 

At the dinner table with your 

Parents I can only stare 

As your father talks on and on, 

With that look on his face saying he still doesn’t accept me. 

I chose to ignore all the warning signs 

I kept telling myself. 

“This can work. It’s not like 

She wants to die under this pressure all the time”.

Why can’t I choose for myself? 

Do things like love just need to be handed over to me? 

Because your mom and sis are just giggling 

As they look at how nervous I am while eating their Polish onion soup. 

It’s like reality T.V. except I’m 

The sole joke that never 

Seems to end even when the 

Credits come up. 

Walking you home, holding hands is 

Just the best as I kiss you goodbye. 

But why can’t I seem to enjoy it as much as 

You do?! 

I can’t believe I’m losing my mind 

When all I’m exhibiting to you 

Are these static emotions, 

Not even bothering to buy you heartfelt flowers when you perform on stage with your violin.

The look on your face is smiling, 

Your red lipstick is stuck on your lips 

As you’re endlessly kissing me with your 

Endless emotions. 

But here I am confused on what to do

As I’m supposed to be the one who’s endlessly

In love with you! 

I lose myself in the moment again, 

Unable to prioritize you with 

My uncertain and unknowing 

Heart which I can’t help but regret…

Babe, are you having the time of your life? 

Because I don’t know if it’s the time of mine. 

We’re both so similar but I can’t help but 

Say you’re only an imitation of my own reflection.

The flowers I bought just end up wilting 

Away under the pressure I have 

As your father says I can put 

The ring on your finger. 

I never expected us to get to this point 

But what else can I say but it’s time 

To plan out our wedding day?

And the plot twist before the end of scene 

Reveals itself… you tell me 

That you don’t know if you love me as much 

As I do yet. 

Despite it all you’re still willing to get hitched? 

After all this I’m still not loved?! 

What kind of joke is this?! 

Because this is just a twisted bad ending! 

I try to run away from twisted 

Scene only to never be able to escape 

As the world flashes by my eyes… 

Before I know it you’re walking down 

The aisle with those crystal eyes of yours.

I say “I do” with no choice but to 

Follow the script of my life. 

You jump in my arms as the Priest says 

“I pronounce you husband and wife”, 

I give you the most passionate kiss of my 

Life but deep down I ask why I’m not into this more? 

The world flashes as everyone bows from their 

Performance, but here I am 

Unable to be satisfied in mine 

As she embraces me intimately. 

Everyone laughs as the 

T.V. starts shorting out, 

Detailing that my story is finished… 

The endless laughs of the audience 

Seems to get me riled up as the curtains close…

They don’t understand how it feels to be playing a role 

That you never wanted to be in! 

“Father said conflict develops character” - Zelda Fitzgerald