"Other Than Myself"

I’m trying to find a home.

Trying to believe in myself.

Searching far and wide.

So close yet so far.

 

Maybe you and I aren’t so different,

Hiding our insecurities from others.

Anything to ignore our problems right?

 

Can you respark my heart?

Felt like I was a walking zombie.

Couldn’t find control.

 

I’ve been on the run for so long

So why can’t I stay

When someone tells me I

Finally belong?

 

The starlight gazes

Through my eyes again,

Trying to remind me of where I once came from.

 

Fighting the deadly sins inside,

My past haunts me with delight.

This can’t get any worse right?

 

I wish I was like you,

Someone who was able to

Act as they feel without

Holding it all back inside.

 

Wanna be like you,

Someone who can fly.

You opened my heart to

Something new.

 

The crossroads we stand here,

Think of this like a pitstop

For reflection.

Take this as a reference.

 

I find a joy being amongst others.

Maybe things aren’t as safe as they were before

But I see a comfort in friends.

 

The dreams I have come back at me,

A simple time they were.

I could let the desire for obliteration get to me

Or I can try to make a new life for myself.

 

Dunno why I can’t stay when I’ve found a place for a new home.

But I’m still here, going on whatever path I shall find.

And I just know that it’ll be bright.

 

I wish I could be like you,

Someone who was able to be themselves.

Wish that I could be acting as someone other than myself.

Feels like I’m not even control sometimes.

 

Wait, is that my voice ?

No, I wanna stay here.

Coughing up a confession is hard.

 

Wait why am I saying

“I want to leave”.

Why can’t I just stay.

 

Wish I could be someone other than myself, maybe then I’d be able to choose for myself.

 

I wish I was just like you,

Then maybe I could fly and

Be free like my friends.

Maybe then I could be true to myself.

 

Be able to say what I really want.

Maybe someday I’ll be able to find my spark.

Someday I’ll find my way.

Anything to find a place where I could stay.

 

Staring at the starlight sky,

A memory burns bright.

A tear of sadness, born from the loneliness that comes alive.

But now I don’t have to be alone, I have comfort from my friends.

 

I just wonder why I can’t just stay.

 

There’s always something in the way.

A burning desire that won’t be left to contain.

We all want that way of life,

A way to burn bright.

 

Some people, they make it.

Some people, they fake it.

We’re both under bondage all the same.

It’s all cliche but we’re both to blame.

 

If only you knew I hate the 

Fact that you feel so much pain. 

Unable to believe you can be safe.

I wish I could be just like you,

Then I’d be free from the rage.

Wish I’d be anywhere away from the cage.

 

Sometimes reality isn’t so black and white we’d like to paint it as. 

Wish I could be just like you,

Someone who was able to express themselves.

Maybe and maybe then

I could say I wanna stay.

 

Never felt like I had a home.

Been living my life

As if I had to survive

All on my own.

 

Something tugs my heart,

Dragging me across the roads

I never even thought I’d walk on.

 

Does nobody else understand?

What it means to have somebody else declare

That you’re a puppet on the strings

With no master at the stage.

 

Wish I could try being someone

Other than myself.

Then maybe I could stay here

In sanctuary, away from all the war and strife.

 

The annoyance of my own

Intrusive thoughts are a constant sound.

Echoing without stopping for a beat,

When they eventually do, the heart stops pumping.

 

Thought that they were just like me,

The same person not being able to

Control their body.

 

But I was wrong and now I’m suffering

For admitting that part of this own

Dark comedy.

 

I feel like I’m lying to others

When I try to be other than myself.

In a new place where no one knows my face,

Trying to be compassionate like a dove when I have a past as a wolf.

 

The melody I wanna sing

From the piano stays the same.

Constant and rigid, not desiring to

Move and innovate an inch.

 

Staying in the same place again.

 

People keep asking me where I wanna go,

Inquiring my sense of discovery

Only for the conclusion of

The truth to be that I don’t know.

 

Just keep walking, eventually you’ll find a home.

Forgetting the fact that for once, there were people who didn’t leave you alone.

Just keep forgetting, eventually the guilt of the past will fade away.

And just forget the fact that the truth remains like a ghost haunting your brain.

 

Wish I could express myself like you, maybe then I’d finally find a home.

 

Laying on a field of green paradise.

Staring at a sky that doesn’t illuminate the light.

Can’t help it if I feel like I’m not in control,

I’m not the one who built me like this.

 

The skyline shows small people like you and I,

Trying to light up the night but can’t get anywhere by themselves.

That’s how I see my life.

 

New faces to call friends but I feel like

My past sins are hiding my true self.

Can’t help but have the adrenaline

Pump through my blood, the ghosts of my past always making me on the run.

 

What if they don’t accept me after the truth?

Can’t find a home until I get away from

Anything related to it.

 

Running. Running. Without a second thought,

Anywhere but here.

Anywhere but this fear that haunts like a specter in the night.

 

Anywhere but here. Anywhere I can be someone other than myself.

Rather give up the ghost than deal with this

Blood on my hands that I can’t wash.

 

Wish that I could finally be able to express myself.

Be with friends in a place I can call home.

Why do I keep running away when I’ve found paradise?

Any place where I can be other than myself I suppose is where I want to belong.