"Neuro-Diverse"

Submerged yourself in your worries again?

Letting the ghouls reach their hands to drag you into hell?

Letting these castles fall only to realize that they were broken from the beginning.

No, there isn’t anything left to the story. Making things up as you go won’t make this the ending you want it to be.

Trying to wake up as somebody else again?

I see that all you’re trying to do is escape your punishment.

Denying the reality that you’ve gotta accept you live in.

It’s not okay, you don’t get to escape us being your judge and jury.

You don’t get to live it, the dream we wanted. You took it away. So now why don’t you join us in this scrap heap?

King of the scrap heap, I am.

Look at me with my robes made of rust.

Rotted here and can only recall the legend that made me mad.

My therapist shocked me the other day,

Said I was a comedy bomb that needed to get out all the laughs.

My eyes are a monster pump, letting the tears out.

And my rage is a flare cannon that’s ready to erupt.

I just wanna breathe but the toxic fumes of my own tragic dark comedy engulfs me.

Can I see the light now? I’ve been trapped for days now.

Can’t reset my life when I want, only reliving the loss everytime I think back to the past.

So king of the scrap heap, I am, as I try to bury myself in this dead land.

The voice message I replay to hear the voice that I wanna remember.

Only for me to finally recall what they wanted to say,

That they wanted me to finally get out of their way.

So submerge me in any of your accusations against me.

Do you worst, living like this is already a poison.

Oh death, where is thy sting?

‘Cuz at this point I feel numb. At this point I feel nothing.

All of these memories I wish could burn in the incinerator ,

Rusting as such the sun light as it goes down,

With the shadows losing their soul.

Life is like a dark comedy,

Cruel jokes that everyone else but you could understand.

So I’m just leaving it here to burn tonight.

Leave it all behind, let it rust, let it burn, I won’t return here.

“Do you really wanna forget that day?

Because I can’t forgive you

No matter the time,

No matter the place.

You’re a stain on my history! I’ve gotta blot you out and erase it all!”

Woke up today, wishing I was someone else.

Not able to change my face,

I had to accept that I’d never be them.

Does it have to stay like this?

I’m neuro-diverse and sometimes this feels like a curse.

There’s gotta be a point where you’re willing to get rid of the doomsday apparatus.

And I’m running out of here while the gatling guns are firing at me.

So many ghosts resurrected here without asking if they could come back to haunt me

Not every story’s important, not every word was written down with the meaning to convey.

We all look back at our lives, trying to find meaning.

But unfortunately despite the pain, that doesn’t give it meaning at all.

This world is collapsing and there’s nothing left to give.

Understatement of the century, this is my legend.

King of the scrap heap, look at my robes of rust.

Doesn’t it show that at least back then I was something?

There’s always the point where you gotta cut the rope,

Don’t let yourself hang over the grief that you sowed.

The heavy metal weighs me down like a truck,

But honestly carrying it makes me feel like I’ll never be enough.

There’s nothing but the rust to show off my scars.

Yet, I’m crawling out of this cage,

Made of my broken dreams and all of the fears.

I rotted for what seemed like forever.

Unable to forgive myself for being different. It's so hard living for

Myself when I wanna just fade like a spell.

So many expectations that aren't mine.

I despise the toxicity that is in my brain,

Turns out I happened to let all of their

Negativity get to me.

All along I tried writing a story

Where things mattered only to

Find out I'm not even a character.

Isn't it ironic?

Not every story needs a meaning,

After all, mine never bothered to have one.

I waited so long for it,

Only to see that I was ruined.

In this twisted purgatory I stand.

Stuck in this shadow of who I am.

No matter the pills consumed, no matter

The rage spilt, I'll always be trying to forget the noise.

Now I’m done, I’m leaving this nightmare to die.

Leave this gone, say goodbye to my former life.

The pain and rage can stay locked up in here if it wants.

But I’m out of here, stay if you wanna decay but I’m not going to waste my life withering away to rot.

These chains fly off in the twilight,

Reminding me why it’s always been so cold.

Why it’s always been so bold of me

To want to escape this scrap yard someday.

Does life have to revolve the same way?

Because these days there just isn’t enough

To keep me invested to get out of this

Scrap heap.

I’m the king of the scrap heap,

Look at my robes of rusted metals and gold.

Should be ashamed but now there’s just indifference

As the sun’s shadow fades out in my kingdom.

Does it mean anything to you:

A story where there’s just regret.

One that seems like it’d never end.

You say that I’m the problem

But you won’t put in the work

To clean up this broken

Kingdom that has been waiting to be free.

Was I the fool in the emperor’s new clothes since I expected you to come back to life?

You said that “You can’t get rid of me”

But here I am, looking at the face of someone

Who wants to be trapped underneath the ground.

Should I give you what you want?

Should I for once act like a king,

Execute the person who betrayed me?

Because I’m just not okay with doing that. You meant so much to me.

I hate to see you this way,

Trapped here with no idea of what you’re doing.

Your comedy bomb only reminds me that I’m just

Living a joke here, without you.

We both made mistakes that led to bloodshed for our kingdom.

But this time I want to save my friend,

This time I want your pain to end!

These submerged castles will resurrect on the final day again, I have hope for it.

The both of us can live in paradise, I know it’s possible if I keep trying to reach out to you as much as you reached out to me!

The monster pump sprays rain down upon the kingdom,

It’s cold and numb like regretful tears.

The flare cannon heats the metals of the scrap heap

To burn a purgatorial fire that makes me know of what I’ve done to you.

I’m shocked that you still need a therapist, did I do this to you?

Because I’m a dark comedy bomb that derailed your life?

Things get easier with time, I’m sure of it.

Enemies and old bitter friends can come back and reunite. I’m sure of it!

I’ll carry this cross of despair for you… So that on the final day, the sun can come up on this kingdom with the both of us there to live in paradise!

I’ve submerged myself in the guilt for long,

The leaves and thorns have withered way

As the season’s long for a new home.

But I’m still here, king of the scrap heap.

Not every story can be important,

But that doesn’t mean that this one can’t have meaning to me.

We’re both neruo-diverse and maybe that’s okay.

The thorns have grown too much on already,

The kingdom’s in ruin.

But as long as I don’t give in there’s still hope.

Your words come back to cut me in the heart.

But I know they were true when you said them.

I’ll hold onto those words and pray for something new.

A day where the kingdom resurrects from this scrap heap into paradise.