That time I closed the book on
The story for good,
Yet the pages linger in my mind.
I hope for my own sake that they remain a memory.
Blissful ignorance to it all is
Something I could never afford.
But I’m trying to make amends…
Only to realize that this had gone farther than I ever should’ve planned.
Even after all the experiences and all the trials,
I’m still seeing ghosts on the walls.
Reminding me of the time
When I made the greatest fall.
These endless nightmares come and come
Without any end.
And I’m trapped
Haunted again and again.
The clock was ticking so hard
Down to the last second and I had nothing
To do anything except try to survive.
This mask I wore to hide the pain
And shame, one day it had to come off!
The fear of asking “what do I have left?” lingers
In mind, because I wanna leave it all behind.
The pain echoes in the night,
Can't sleep when my mind looks back
To where all of my problems stem from.
Maybe I've lived a good life that ended from bad faith.
The memories flood in and I feel haunted
By coming back to the pain.
By coming back to the nightmare.
I was frozen in the cold, unable
To truly sleep.
It felt like if I overslept I would
Wake up to the world falling apart!
The only thing keeping me invested
I hate to say was the symphony of the dead,
Only for it to isolate myself from the people who cared!
And now they’re gone leaving ghosts of themselves behind!
Yet I thought I had already fixed my mind!
I escaped this hell that I was
Falling in only to remain a shell of myself on a lonely path.
I had to teach myself that it all mattered in the end,
Even if the fear came back to drag me down.
The only thing that tempts me now is the thought
That I’ve already moved on.
What do I do with my memory of them
That they wanted to burn?!
Had to let go but I worry
That this peace will one day end.
What if they came back into my life,
Would I run away from them or break down
Into nothingness?!
Acceptance is a hard pill to swallow but I did!
But these ghosts leave me haunted
And I just want an exorcist to get rid of them!
The only thing I fear is that I’ll
Relapse into this pain.
Unable to escape just like
Those awful days.
I can’t just be afraid of what hasn’t happened!
Even if it haunts me I gotta survive
Because now I’m living my own life!
And this time it’s mine!
I’ve been stuck in it!
It was so rough and I wanted so much
To get out but no one but me understood,
Heck, maybe I’m still the only one after all of this time.
No one understands how rough it is
To have been casted out like that,
Discarded without any help to get better.
No, they left me alone to rot.
And y’know what’s worse than that?
Being called second rate by your peers
Who get all the cheers for everything you spent
So long to make for yourself.
But maybe that’s why I went through this,
Yeah. Maybe I went through this to be something
More than a photocopy of trend setters.
I did it, I made it, here I am standing tall after it all.
I’m not gonna live my life pretending to be them!
Those who believe I don’t have a place on this road
Can go pound sand.
I’ve spent so long lost but now I’m here.
I’m done living for the drama
Like they said.
Life isn’t a race where I go mad
Comparing myself to everyone else.
I was so empty then but now I’ve been freed.
The only thing stopping me is the fact that I’m worried
This won’t last because no matter the time
That passes I remain haunted.
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