"Cruel Sense of Humor"

Somedays I’m picking up the slack,

Somedays I don’t know what I lack.

The charisma or the fact

That I’m feeling like a copycat.

 

Can’t say what changes my mind.

Those days and thoughts are

So unkind, with another

I feel unable to unwind.

 

No smiles left to find,

I’m running down the street

In the worst humidity.

No amount of ice cream can be sweet enough for me.

 

Just a joke for laughs,

But today I feel like

I’m trying to be serious.

Underestimated myself again.

 

People have the weirdest

Views of me.

Rumors, rumors,

But the truth even alludes me.

 

These days I feel like I can’t

Keep holding onto to

The dream that I have

Of falling in love at the strike of midnight on an empty lit-up suburban street.

 

Can’t keep chasing clout,

Everybody’s already seen the worst

In me so the benefit of

The doubt will always be out of my reach.

 

Underestimated myself again,

Lost touch with another

Supposed friend.

 

Called toxic.

Called arrogant.

Called anything under the sun.

And all I can do is back up the rumors.

 

These days I can’t help but hate the man in the mirror.

 

Falling in love feels like a luxury.

Because somedays I don’t

Feel like I was meant for

Whatever the silver screen has been chasing.

 

My dreams are just burnt in the sun,

Living a life that is

Falling apart faster

Than sandcastles in an empty beach of a kingdom.

 

The words I say are barely

Escaping my brain.

Impossible to escape

The obsessive thoughts that cage me.

 

I keep holding on to this dream

That has been idolized by the silver screen.

But I’m lost in thought because I can’t seem to make it a reality.

 

Falling in love always seems like a luxury.

Lost track of my heart and keep electrocuting it,

Only to lose myself

To the constant failures.

 

I look forward to the day I can see the sun

Without looking back at the

Fact that I’m feeling numb.

 

Can’t help but feel

Like I’m not enough.

And the moment I do,

I just seem to mess it up.

 

No amount of sweet ice cream

Can wipe the bitterness

Out of my mouth.

 

The dream I’ve been chasing

Only seems real for

People who are beyond me.

Underestimated myself but overestimated my weakness again.

 

Just enough humidity to keep me

Away from the cool shade of

Reality being able to reach

Whatever I want it to be.

 

And the taste is always bittersweet,

Regardless of how cold and

Rich the ice cream tastes.

 

And I’m melting from

The pressures that I can’t

Achieve, a sick sense of

Humor that makes me laugh in the worst ways.

 

The arrogance just seems

To get me regardless

Of what my brain happens

To wanna say.

 

People always say I need a break

But they don’t really know that I

Just want a break from

Myself.

 

And I’m hating myself

For never really changing.

No amount of sweet cold and soft

Ice cream can make my dream any less bittersweet.

 

3PM on a humid Friday afternoon,

Cars rushing and whirling by in a cyclone that makes heads spin.

And I’m just trying to regroup

From any kind of dark sin.

 

It all tastes bittersweet and there’s no real escape for someone like me.

 

There’s nothing left for me to really dream,

I keep getting pushed back and the taste is very bittersweet.

And the past keeps coming to haunt me.

So I’m always burnt out and always want somewhere new to go.

 

Always bittersweet.

The universe just has a

horrid taste in

a cruel sense of humor.

Can't help but

have no real way out.

The truth always alludes me.

Feels like I can't relax, always at the edge of my seat.

The universe just has a cruel sense of humor.