Commentary 6 - On "Eternal Torment"

This one’s my most… experimental take on a poem ? This one is my most angriest of them all, if I could make this one into a song it would be very much a “screamo” track. The title of the track says it all, just being not contempt with reality and trying to ignore it all. But by ignoring it, one loses everything and everyone they care about. It is longer than most of them because I originally wanted more distinct phases but it ended up this way. I wanted to give off the feeling that I was stuck being in an endless cycle, unable to move on. There’s some heavy themes of just being stuck and dissatisfied with life to the point where reliving the obsessions seem like the only thing we can do if we want any sort of relief. But this is at the cost of being able to truly move on and find ways to have true joy. This writing is very purgatorial, focusing on the flames that burn one’s sins before they can enter into heaven. All of the anger presented here can be just seen as me just venting out feelings that shouldn’t be there so I can dump them all out. I was debating whether or not to keep this one but I think it’s got a good part of me in it that I need to share. Especially the part about there being nothing left to say, as the day I lost everything is so impactful to me. I had to restart my life from ground zero, get help, and graduate all at the same time. It was so much but it was so worth it. I dunno, I just want to share a piece of my story. It’s okay if it’s a bit uncomfortable, that’s how I felt when feeling all of this. But I’m just glad that these feelings are all gone now. Still, I wanted to express what it feels like to be obsessed over something that is far from realistic. Not many people I know have had that similar experience, I wanted to share it because it can feel like a never ending cycle that just keeps coming back regardless of what is done to move on from it. And sometimes when talking to some people about it, they don’t understand how bad it feels to be stuck here in this obsessive state. It’s hard to describe especially through text but I tried and tried to let go so badly only to have dark results. Nowadays, I’ve been able to move onward and live my life away from all of this nonsense. It took a lot of help and prayers. But I still wanted to get this out there to show off that it’s okay if you’re stuck in this cycle of obsession you can’t get out. Because you can! I’ve been there! No, trust me. I’ve been there so hard. I never thought I’d get out but here I am. Because of this site, because of my friends, and my faith I’ve been able to be more joyful with this life given to me. Let this poem be an avenue for letting your rage out! This poem was inspired once again by Majora’s Mask, the final boss in particular. It is an entire game that takes place in an alternate world with the same people on the surface but they’re all different. An uncanny valley feeling comes up here, a fan theory is that this is Link’s dying dream. That this is all in his mind as he dies alone, searching for his best friend. That motivated me to write this poem, as I was in the same boat too! I wanted my best friend back so badly as well, but I had to learn to accept all of this rather than forcing reality to change. It was a good inspiration for what I wanted to do. I hope you enjoyed this one, it’s my favorite of the first collection.