Commentary 4 - On "Cold Crush"

This poem is where I start describing how it felt to me to have to be crushed by all sides during a certain time in my college career. It felt like everyone just wanted me gone and that I was unable to do anything but say “it’s happening again”. This all happened when everything was cold and there was snow falling on the ground, making the experience all the more isolating. I walked through the snow just being alone and unable to comprehend what was going on. It was as if I was just being haunted by someone close to me who I had to leave. The entire experience was traumatizing to say the least. When I got home I was unable to really think of what to do with myself, not even going anywhere but Church for a while. Everything felt bleak and black to me with little sense of joy around. I wrote this for a way to just put all those feelings into writing so I can put them out in the world and hopefully leave them behind. I would just walk in the snow, unable to really think anywhere past this foggy mindset I had found myself in. I thought that I really didn't have any brighter days coming left. Everything was gone and honestly I was so taken aback from the pain that I couldn't think straight on what was even happening until a month or two later where I could properly reflect. Everything felt like a bad dream, until that moment where I could think clearly where the reality of the it all set in. It's the worst feeling, living in some sort of dream like state for months only to wake up to reality hitting you like a truck. I wanted to communicate my feelings about it this time around. What it feels like being haunted by a ghost in the snow.