This poem is all about the idea of dreading that the depression will come back. That the thoughts that you used to obsess about will take over and consume you once again. I felt this a lot when things started getting better for me. I was worried that one day the guilt would come back in an unhealthy manner. Looking back at the depression stings a lot even in retrospect, I wanted to write a poem that illustrates that feeling. It isn’t easy to completely live and forget the past. But that’s just how life is. Sometimes you remember the pain and get scared it will consume you. Except it’s not like that, it just happens to be you remembering the past. Things don’t need to get worse just because you remember a sad time in your life. I’m happy that I’ve been able to move on and experience life for myself rather than for others.
Things can get really rough for those of us who suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. The stress from recalling the past overwhelms us in a way that those who have not had similar experiences through, have harder times trying to relate to our situation. It feels like you get better, avoiding the problems. But then they come back in full swing and you’re unable to feel them. It’s like you’re looking at a different life until the flashbacks come in and cause you to relapse in the pain. This is okay, it means you're human. I wanted to write about that and how it feels to be scared of the pain coming back. I'll admit, it takes over me sometimes. I thought that if someone came back, I'd be able to get out of my guilt. Story for another day, I suppose.
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